


Chasing after you is all I know

by SoapDiSpencer



Series: Secrets Not Meant to be Kept [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Post-Break Up, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:01:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26490829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoapDiSpencer/pseuds/SoapDiSpencer
Summary: What happened when Iwaizumi and Oikawa finally met again.Companion Piece to We Thought You Knew Part 2 of 2
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Secrets Not Meant to be Kept [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915354
Comments: 20
Kudos: 79





	1. Always Slipping Through My Fingers

Iwaizumi could count the heartbeats ringing in his ears as he slid to the ground and watched Oikawa walk out of their lives together, and it was their lives. Iwaizumi didn’t have any part of himself that didn’t belong to Oikawa at this point. Oikawa, who smiled at him with that soft smile no matter how much Iwaizumi got overwhelmed by emotions and said something rude. Oikawa who had stuck by him through everything making the world just a little brighter. Oikawa had finally given up on him and it felt like Iwaizumi’s life was crumbling down around him. 

Iwaizumi would never forgive himself for how long it took for him to go after Oikawa. By the time that he had decided he needed to finally grow up and show Oikawa how important he was to Iwaizumi, Oikawa was already gone. He had changed his number, had left the country, and Iwaizumi behind. Iwaizumi had never felt hurt quite like the moment he called Oikawa’s old number and the call no longer went to Oikawa’s voicemail that he had said was annoying but listened to over and over again when he left. 

He had tried to get Oikawa’s new number off their friends, but they all refused to pick a side. Iwaizumi respected it even if it made him want to rip his own heart out to try and dull the pain. There was no one to blame but himself. There was nothing that made Oikawa leave other than Iwaizumi didn’t show him that he was loved enough. Oikawa couldn’t read his mind despite what their friends used to think. Iwaizumi was stupid for not telling him how much Oikawa meant to Iwaizumi. 

It was years later when Oikawa even stepped foot on Japanese soil. Iwaizumi had been fighting himself since he had heard he was coming. So much had changed. They both had to learn to live without each other. They both had to learn to acclimate to the empty pit in their stomach. Iwaizumi wondered if they would even fit together anymore. He knew he shouldn’t have gone after Oikawa. He knew Oikawa wouldn’t want him here, but he needed this. He needed Oikawa to know that he never left his mind. He needed Oikawa to know that every moment of them apart he had regretted not running after him that day. 

“Tooru!” he called out when he got a glimpse of him. Iwaizumi’s heart started to race. It was him. He was there. He was still just as beautiful as when he left. Oikawa didn’t turn back to him, but he froze and that was enough for Iwaizumi. He needed to see him. He needed to explain.

“Iwaizumi, I wasn’t expecting you to be here.” Iwaizumi felt like he was punched in the gut at the way that Oikawa said his name. He never wanted to hear anything other than the stupid pet names that Oikawa used to give him. He hated his name if that was how it sounded coming from Oikawa’s lips. 

“I have been trying to contact you. You changed your number. You blocked me on social media. Tooru, you cut me out of your life. I never got to apologize. I never got to run after you. I never got to scream it to the rooftops that I love you and I am willing to do anything to make it right. It was one thing to break up. It was a completely different thing to lose you… My best friend.” Iwaizumi couldn’t stop. He couldn’t make himself shut up. He needed Oikawa. He loved him. That hadn’t dulled in their years apart. He still needed Oikawa’s nerdy quips about whatever they were doing. He still needed the way that Oikawa tipped his head back when he laughed making the world just a little brighter. He needed Oikawa. 

“I lost my best friend, too,” Oikawa whispered and finally turned around to look at him. Iwaizumi shouldn’t have been shocked about the way his heart pounded when he could finally look into Oikawa’s eyes again. He always felt so much around Oikawa. He always made Iwaizumi speechless with the influx of emotions. He had been scared of it before. When they first started their relationship. He would say something rude to change the subject and Oikawa would playfully pout before they moved on as if nothing happened. It had become a habit. He didn’t realize he had overdone it until Oikawa was walking out of their lives. 

“I’m sorry, Tooru. I am so fucking sorry. I never told you how much you mattered to me. You are my best friend. I didn’t think I could live without you up until I had to. You are my best friend, but also the love of my life. And it’s okay if I’m not the great love of yours because I just want you to be happy.” Iwaizumi whispered out trying to keep the tears that were pooling in his eyes from rolling down his cheeks. He had meant to say this so long ago. He had meant to say this the second Oikawa had broken up with him, but he had been a coward. 

Oikawa choked out a sob and Iwaizumi had never felt guiltier. Before either of them knew it they were hugging. Iwaizumi’s hand tangled loosely in Oikawa’s hair and Oikawa buried his face in Iwaizumi’s neck. They stood like that for a few seconds before pulling away. Oikawa wiped his eyes and Iwaizumi had to look away to hide his own tears. 

“I’ll unblock you. I- You’re still my best friend. You always will be. Maybe we can catch up soon. I- I have plans with Shoyo.” Oikawa said softly. Iwaizumi knew what he was doing before he even finished. The guarded emotions and the faux bubbliness that he put on for his fans. Oikawa seemed to forget the person who had seen him without that mask enough times to know the real him. He wondered if Oikawa knew that he had cataloged every one of Oikawa’s expression every time they were together. 

Iwaizumi was left there as Oikawa hurried away from him again. He wondered if this is what it felt like every time. He wondered if it would always feel like this. He felt so empty without Oikawa. Iwaizumi shook his head. He couldn’t feel this way. He wanted Oikawa in his life again no matter how much it hurt to not be able to love him. 


	2. Our Silence Speaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa extends an olive branch. Iwaizumi feels like he is drowning.

Oikawa surprisingly unblocked Iwaizumi the second that Iwaizumi got home. He still lived in the same apartment which still held the ghosts of their lives together. He knew it wasn’t healthy. He knew he shouldn’t ache like this over Oikawa. He should be happy for him. Oikawa reached for his dreams and now here he was living them. Iwaizumi shouldn’t feel that dark ache of jealousy that he didn’t get to watch him do it. He didn’t get to see Oikawa grow on and off the court. He had lost the right when he had been too much of a coward to love him like he deserved to be loved. 

He scrolled through every single one of Oikawa’s hundreds of selfies over the last few years. He wanted to catch up on Oikawa’s life. He had missed so much. He glanced around at the pictures of the two of them he hadn’t gotten around to taking down. Oikawa had decorated the apartment. Iwaizumi hadn’t felt the need. He was glad now that he did. He got to see the ghosts of their relationship in every corner. He could still remember Oikawa and him sharing kisses over the couch when Iwaizumi came in late. He could still remember Oikawa laughing as he put up that stupid Godzilla poster that he didn’t know why he even brought from his parents’ house. He still remembered their alien documentary date where they ended up talking on the couch until the sun came up. 

Iwaizumi didn’t notice he was crying until the tears hit his phone screen. He broke down sobbing into his hands. He should be happier. He finally got to see Oikawa. It shouldn’t matter that nothing would be the same. He was being selfish. He wished that being in love with your best friend didn’t feel like he was constantly choking back tears. 

He startled when his phone went off. He hadn’t been expecting it. His heart lept into his chest when he saw the message. This was it. This was the only thing he needed to make it all worth it. It was a selfie of Oikawa hanging out with Shoyo both of them holding ice cream cones. Iwaizumi couldn’t help but save it before he even saved Oikawa’s number. He would give anything to never have to go about these domestic updates on what Oikawa was doing to show that he at least thought of him. 

Iwa-chan: ‘Did you have fun?”

Tooru: ‘I did.’

Iwa-chan: ‘I’m glad. I am sorry for ambushing you. I didn’t know how else to get your attention. I never meant to interrupt your day.’

Tooru: ‘It’s okay, Hajime. I’m glad you did.’

Tooru: ‘Do you want to meet up tomorrow?

Iwa-chan: ‘Of course. Where do you want to meet?’

  
  


Tooru: ‘Do you still live in the apartment?’

Iwa-chan: ‘Yeah.”

Tooru: ‘I can come by for lunch and we can order takeout.’

Iwa-chan: ‘Sounds perfect’

Tooru: ‘I’ll see you at noon! Night, Iwa-chan! <3’

  
  


Iwaizumi didn’t know if he was going to survive this. His heart was racing just from a conversation with Oikawa. He didn’t know he was possibly going to survive being back in the apartment with him. He felt selfish again, but he had to admit that the ghost of their relationship hadn’t let him forget like Oikawa could have off in another country. He tried to pull himself together. He couldn’t be like this when Oikawa came over. He couldn’t make Oikawa feel guilty for doing what made him happy. Even if it broke his heart every day. He wouldn’t lose Oikawa again. He needed him. 


	3. Changing the Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling back into bed with your ex is never a good idea

Oikawa knew coming back into this apartment was the worst idea of his life. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to handle standing in their apartment again and seeing how much had changed. When Iwaizumi opened the door he realized it was so much worse than he imagined. Nothing had changed. He remembered putting up the pictures of them around the apartment. He remembered each kiss they shared as they argued over how the furniture should go. He remembered that this place was filled with ghosts of who they used to be. He glanced over to Iwaizumi suddenly glad that he had come back. Iwaizumi was looking around the apartment with the same haunted expression he knew himself to have. This was their forever that he had walked away from. 

“Hajime…” Oikawa trailed off not knowing what to say. He wasn’t expecting Iwaizumi to be the one to try and bridge the gap. He had expected Iwaizumi to forget about him the moment he left. Iwaizumi always seemed so unaffected, but the proof of his love was written into the walls around them. 

“You were right. I don’t know how to decorate an apartment. You did better than I ever could. Our greatest hits.” Iwaizumi whispered trailing his finger over the picture of them kissing that the team had taken when they graduated. Oikawa shook his head to try and keep the flow of tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. Iwaizumi had made their apartment into a museum of their relationship screaming his love into the void while Oikawa desperately tried to forget him in a different country.

“Everything has changed,” Oikawa whispered out wiping his tears letting a soft sob escape his chest. Iwaizumi hugged him from behind softly. Oikawa knew this was stupid. He didn’t come back to Japan to fall helplessly back in love with Iwaizumi. He had grown. He was better. He deserved better… but at the same time so had Iwaizumi. He hadn’t insulted him once. He had simply told Oikawa what he was feeling and let Oikawa lead the way from there. 

“And yet, nothing has. I am in love with you. You walking out on me is a little thing compared to that.” Iwaizumi whispered out and Oikawa couldn’t help but let out a laugh through his tears. Iwaizumi was right. Everything was so different. They were both different people, but their love for each other hadn’t faded in the least. 

“I can’t just run back into your arms. We have lives.” Oikawa turned in Iwaizumi’s arms to look up at him. He wasn’t prepared for the fact that Iwaizumi had also been crying. He wondered how he missed it. 

“I am not asking you to. I want you to be happy whether that be with or without me, but I am just as ready to drop anything and follow you to whatever Latin American country you please.” Iwaizumi whispered out softly. Oikawa looked shocked and Iwaizumi wondered if he had done that bad at making sure that Oikawa knew how much he meant to him. He still loved Oikawa. He still felt his heart race every time he saw one of Oikawa’s dramatic expressions. He still had to fight a smile every time he heard Oikawa ranting about something or another. He lead Oikawa to the couch trying to ignore how many memories they had stretched along the same couch promising forever to each other. It hadn’t been forever, but maybe it could be the rest of their lives. 

“Why keep it all? You always said that you hated it.” Oikawa whispered still looking at that stupid Godzilla poster he had put up to see the flush that it painted on Iwaizumi’s cheeks every time he saw it. Iwaizumi’s face was unreadable as usual, but Oikawa waited for him to answer. He wondered how much had changed in the man who he used to know better than himself.

“Because it all held memories of you. It’s all a reminder of what I did wrong. It’s a reminder to show the people who matter that they are loved.” Iwaizumi whispered out honestly and Oikawa was struck by the depth of those words. Even a world away Iwaizumi had taken what he said to heart and tried to change for him. Oikawa couldn’t stop the sobs that crawled their way up his chest. 

“That’s not fair. I planned on coming over to prove to myself that nothing had changed.” Oikawa sobbed out and Iwaizumi couldn’t help gently pulling Oikawa back into his arms. He hoped that he had changed. He hoped that he was finally a person that Oikawa wanted in his life. He missed his stupid conspiracy theories. He missed his loud commentary during movies. He missed the way he would sneak his cold feet into the legs of Iwaizumi’s pants leeching off his warmth. He missed Oikawa like he was the oxygen he breathed, but he needed to be okay with whatever Oikawa was willing to give. He was the one in the wrong. He was the one who needed to fix it. Oikawa had been right about him and he would regret that for the rest of his life.

“The old me wasn’t mature enough to go after you. Everything had to change in order to make it right.” Iwaizumi admitted softly. Neither of them knew who moved first, but suddenly Oikawa was back in Iwaizumi’s lap kissing him desperately and Iwaizumi was tangling his fingers in his hair. It was like a missing puzzle piece suddenly falling into place. They weren’t fixed. They still needed to talk about so much, but right now all Iwaizumi wanted to do was to sink back into the feeling of Oikawa back in his life.


	4. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the silence of uncertainty, both Iwaizumi and Oikawa try to move on.

Oikawa woke up the next morning, naked with 43 calls on his phone. He could see Iwaizumi still asleep on the bed next to him looking so fucking beautiful. He hadn’t ever got around to getting curtains for the bedroom. It had been on the list before he left, but he knew that Iwaizumi hated decorating. He should have known that Iwaizumi would keep ignoring the need. He hated that he was still this weak to Iwaizumi. He hated that nothing had really changed. He still fell back into bed with Iwaizumi the second he had come back. He hated it. He was supposed to be stronger than this.

Iwaizumi woke up naked to the sound of the door closing as Oikawa left. He woke up to Oikawa walking out on him once again with no note and no text. Oikawa hadn’t just left. He had started ignoring him again. Iwaizumi should have known. He should have known that it was all just the overwhelmed feeling of seeing each other again. He would never get to be with Oikawa the way he wanted to. He left Oikawa alone. He sent a text every so often to let Oikawa know he was thinking about him, but he didn’t ask for him to go back. 

Iwaizumi finally took down their pictures that weekend. It was time for him to move on. He couldn’t keep lingering in the memory Oikawa. He had to move on if that was what Oikawa wanted. He needed to be stronger. He needed to do right by their relationship. Wallowing in the graveyard of their love was doing nothing for either of them. He took down the pictures carefully putting them into a box in the closet that used to be Oikawa’s. 

Oikawa refused to see Iwaizumi again. He responded to the messages refusing to completely cut him out of his life again. He finally agreed to go on that date with one of his teammates. He couldn’t say he didn’t enjoy himself, but he kept being haunted by places that he and Iwaizumi used to go. Even as he was kissed goodnight he couldn’t bring himself to stop thinking about how Iwaizumi kissed him for the first time. It was so awkward and clumsy. Neither of them knew what they were doing. 

Iwaizumi worked closely with the Japan team trying to ignore the way their eyes lingered on him. He knew that they all had heard about him and Oikawa from Hinata. He didn’t mind. He deserved the looks. He deserved the whispers about the things that Oikawa and he had screamed at each other. He deserved the pitying looks when one of the team caught him looking at Oikawa as he passed with his own team. He had deserved it. He wondered if his punishment was to watch Oikawa blossom from the sidelines. 

Oikawa couldn’t bring himself to interact with Iwaizumi when they met up in a professional setting. Neither of them brought up their night together. Neither of them acknowledged the yearning they both felt for the other. They both felt too cracked open to try and fix anything between them. That was okay. They would grow stronger and maybe they would be able to look at each other in the eyes eventually. Oikawa hoped so. He hoped that this was just an interlude before their next scene. He hoped that this wasn’t how they ended, avoiding each other’s eyes like they never knew each other. 


	5. A Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it's dramatic and over the top, but Oikawa always enjoyed those things before.

The gods had smiled down on Oikawa just before he left. He was set to fly back out to Argentina that weekend when Iwaizumi finally broke down and called him. It was 8:37 pm. Oikawa wondered if he would remember that time forever. It was such a stupid thing to linger on, but he couldn’t help it. That was the exact time when Iwaizumi had called him.

“I know I fucked up. I know that we are both different people now. I know that we should have both moved on by now, and maybe you have. But, Tooru, I am still in love with you. I have been in love with you since I knew what the fucking feeling in my chest meant. You once said that I never cared about you. When we had that get together with the team. You told me that I was a heartless bastard who never bothered to care about you, but I did, and I do. I love you. You once asked me to fight for our relationship, and that’s what I am doing.” Iwaizumi had obviously practiced what he was going to say but had gone off-script. Oikawa knew how Iwaizumi talked. He knew that he would have at least tried to play it cool.

“Hajime…”

“No, Tooru. I am not done. I am fighting for you. I am fighting for every one of your shitty conspiracies. I am fighting for the way you scrunch up your nose when you sleep. I am fighting for every selfie you sent me that I didn’t tell you how beautiful you looked and I should have. I am fighting for every time you say my name with that soft voice when you are trying to get my attention. I categorized every little expression you make because you were so fucking fascinating to me, and if I can’t ever see them again it will be for nothing.” Iwaizumi whispered out. 

“Hajime, can I talk now?” Oikawa whispered into the speaker his heart racing at Iwaizumi’s monologue. He couldn’t believe that Iwaizumi had actually reached out again. 

“Sorry… Yes.” 

“I love you, too, but what do you want from me? I am about to leave. I am going home to Argentina. I am not planning on coming back here for holidays like we tried to do before. What do you want from me?” Oikawa asked softly. 

“Give me the chance to win you back.” Iwaizumi whispered out. Oikawa let out a soft sigh. Iwaizumi waited with bated breath for the answer. They would have to start from square one. He would have to earn Oikawa’s trust. He was prepared to do that. He was prepared for anything as long as Oikawa was there. 

“One date… I’ll decide on a second if I want one.” Oikawa mumbled out suddenly. Iwaizumi beamed even if Oikawa couldn’t see it. 

“I’ll make it our best date yet.” Iwaizumi promised. 


End file.
